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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Fade to Black

I had some time today to reflect on things.. I took 15 minutes of solice and one with nature.

In that time, I was thinking about where I am now.. And where to go.. I also thought about closing down this alter ego but in the end decided to let things stay as a status quo..

Why? You know I dont think I could answer that. There are a couple "good friends" on here that I dont want to be able to chat with..

But I also was thinking about how music has been a part of my life..

One of my favorite stations on satellite radio is "the big 80's" as that is when I was growing up.

If I hear Phil Collins "In the air tonight" I remember getting ready for my 9th grade prom.

"Cant fight this feeling" I remember the curly headed girl that I had the biggest crush on, but lost after 1 date...

"Love Bites" Ironic.. But it's a memory.. Never forget your first!

"Groovy kind of love" Basic Training in the army, working KP duty and just hearing the song and realizing that it was Phil Collins and it was the first taste of outside influence in like months!

And the list goes on.. But there is one song that to this day makes me really reflect. Not in exactly a good way.. As it leads me to hink of some things that i did that werent the most pleasant.. But without them, I wouldnt be where I am now...

There is one song that reminds me not only of my dark moments, but also the time when I was able to start over.. I was married before and we were both very young.. things happened and it was over. She started playing games with me and my heart. I took some things badly and kept trying.. It took me a while to realize it was over. When I did, I had been with some buddies and heard a song on the radio. It was by Metallica and the words just fit into my situation.. But, if you look at them, it can have a different meaning. When the word talk about Life is over, I knew that part of my life was over. I was starting new... The ex didnt see it that way.. I still get a small smile thinking about that! LOL

I got in my car in Ft Lewis Washington and started driving across country. My new life had started..

"Fade to Black"

Life it seems will fade away

Drifting further everyday

Getting lost within myself

Nothing Matters no one else

I have lost the will to live simply nothing more to give

There is nothing more for me

Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be, Missing one inside of me

Deadly loss this cant be real

Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling m to the point of agony

Growing darkness taking dawn

I was me but now, hes gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late

Now I cant think, think why i should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed

Death greets me warm, now I will just say Goobye


And so that would be the end of this note.. But no.. Facebook had to drag it up today...

Why, did they need me to have the laugh? Did they need me to find the Ipod toplay the song?

What happened you ask? You know that little box on the side of your homepage that recommends friends...

Today, it recommended that I add my Ex as a friend!! LOL.. Well if she was my friend, she wouldnt be my ex!! LOL

That was the reason I went for the walk and music was stuck in my head..

I dont know why I rambled.. But thanks!!


  1. Hello and welcome to blogging. I saw your link on Bonnies in with the new blog and decided to check it out. I also like music as a way to relax and reflect and I often share my music mood days on my own blog.

    I'd also like to invite you to join the spanking bloggers network If you would like go to Spanking Bloggers Network Forum. and read the getting started and I hope to see you there.

    I will also be adding your link to my own blogroll on my blog good to have you in the blog world.

  2. Why thank you.. When I am off of my work computer, I will look into the Bloggers network.


  3. I didnt forget about it.. Just signed up...